Hi, it's late and I should be asleep, early start tomorrow, but I have been wanting to write something for a while but i didn't know how to put it into words but I think I've finally got it. I've known fr a long time that I have two versions of myself the one were i'm crazy and happy and weird but I also have one side that not many people have seen the side of me that is scared and alone and unhappy and quiet and thinks about everything way to much, the side of me that is writing rite now. Most of the last 2-3 years I have been consumed with one question, wich one is real because I know that one of them isn't so hopefully while writing this I'm going to try and figure that out, so lets start with the one that most of you know; crazy Phoebe. I feel like this is the fake one, because I seem to be her when I'm around other people, it almost feels like a defense wall, because people thinking of you as crazy is better than them thinking of you as the girl who cries all the time and can't hear herself think because she is constantly thinking about things that make her feel crazy. I feel like especially when I was younger I used to act crazy just to stop myself from seeming weird I used to create a new world for myself, but that did make me seem weird. I remember with this one boy not to long ago I pretended I saw something and I had a phone and pretended to call someone about it because I guess it made me feel in control, I knew the truth he didn't.
Now you have the one that not many people have seen, sometimes she comes out when it all gets to much. She is heartbroken and opinionated and hates the world. I always used to think that I was her but i'm not to sure anymore. That's all for today --p